Gary Smalley wrote a book called Food & Love, and in it he postulates that relationship issues can fuel food cravings ~ and food issues can create struggles in our relationships.
It certainly makes sense. Geneen Roth says much the same thing in her book, Women, Food & God. Solve your relationship with food and you'll clear up problems in other areas of your life.
The key here is to know which hunger needs to be fed ~ physical or emotional? Most people confuse emotional hunger for physical hunger, but despite their choices, the solution for emotional hunger isn't food.
We all crave connection ~ especially with our own hearts. Barring that, we end up looking for love in all the wrong places. Like in the refrigerator!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The Emotional Dividends of Dining Together
I heard something interesting yesterday ~ that the risk of children drifting in adolescence into drug and alcohol abuse is significantly lower in those families that dine together.
That's profound, because it gives testimony to the importance of connection. The family dinner table can not only offer physical nurturing with good food ~ it can also provide the opportunity to listen, and be listened to, and that's a huge investment in our emotional health.
Theoretically.
Not all of the exchanges at the dinner table promote self esteem, and some family gatherings regularly set the stage for what can be labeled as nothing other than abuse. Whether subtle or blatant, abuse is abuse ~ and that can create a whole new type of hunger that can become a life-long craving, making food, alcohol or drugs appear as comforting solutions.
But in a climate of mutual respect, both body and soul can receive the nourishment that allows us to thrive on all levels.
In those situations, sitting down together can be a very powerful anti drug! It's an opportunity we all have. See that you make the most of it!
That's profound, because it gives testimony to the importance of connection. The family dinner table can not only offer physical nurturing with good food ~ it can also provide the opportunity to listen, and be listened to, and that's a huge investment in our emotional health.
Theoretically.
Not all of the exchanges at the dinner table promote self esteem, and some family gatherings regularly set the stage for what can be labeled as nothing other than abuse. Whether subtle or blatant, abuse is abuse ~ and that can create a whole new type of hunger that can become a life-long craving, making food, alcohol or drugs appear as comforting solutions.
But in a climate of mutual respect, both body and soul can receive the nourishment that allows us to thrive on all levels.
In those situations, sitting down together can be a very powerful anti drug! It's an opportunity we all have. See that you make the most of it!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Eating Well is a Life Long Journey
I've talked a lot to folks about their struggle with diets. It's perpetual for so many people, because they gain and loose the same 20 or 30 pounds over aand over again, often picking up a few more pounds each time around.
It's crazy ~ you know, that repeated cycle of doing the same thing over and over again and yet hoping for different results. It takes a huge amount of energy ~ because when you're on a diet you thnk about it all the time. It's not fun because it's a time dedicated to discipline and depravation somehow with the misplaced belief that we deserve to be on this spartan course, all the while knowing we probably won't succeed anyway. We believe we won't win ~ which we equate with reaching a goal.
But eating for health is a larger picture than just losing weight. Losing weight is closely tied to how we look, and, yes, that's important. But if we're eating to invest in our health, that's a bigger story because it continues long after we lose some pounds.
The goal here is to create an internal, physical climate that provides us with energy and balance. Eating the right foods (and you know what they are!) can do that, along with regular exercise. If that becomes your lifestyle, the pounds will go anyway!
It's crazy ~ you know, that repeated cycle of doing the same thing over and over again and yet hoping for different results. It takes a huge amount of energy ~ because when you're on a diet you thnk about it all the time. It's not fun because it's a time dedicated to discipline and depravation somehow with the misplaced belief that we deserve to be on this spartan course, all the while knowing we probably won't succeed anyway. We believe we won't win ~ which we equate with reaching a goal.
But eating for health is a larger picture than just losing weight. Losing weight is closely tied to how we look, and, yes, that's important. But if we're eating to invest in our health, that's a bigger story because it continues long after we lose some pounds.
The goal here is to create an internal, physical climate that provides us with energy and balance. Eating the right foods (and you know what they are!) can do that, along with regular exercise. If that becomes your lifestyle, the pounds will go anyway!
Feeding Children
People say it costs a lot to feed kids. Very true, if they're teenagers. At that stage, they need a lot of fuel because their bodies are changing so much.
But keeping young children fed and nourished is probably a lot more complicated and costly than it needs to be. I've noticed when I make a sandwich for my young granddaughters (ages three and six) that a half sandwich is plenty if I add a sliced apple and some baby carrots. Of course, usually just an hour or two later they're asking for something else, so I make it a practice to keep a sliced apple available on the counter, and popcicles in the fridge (made from unsweetened fruit juice).
Another option is to put some fresh fruit in a blender with some yogurt, milk and honey ~ along with a few ice cubes ~ to make a smoothie.
What I figured out is that grazing works better for kids ~ and for all of us, really.
Traveling around town is the car is a critical time when the food decisions often aren't the best. A couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches wrapped and placed in an insulated lunch bag, and some small cartons of raisins can make a big difference in time, money and nutrition, when the other choice would be to pull into a drive through window at a fast food shop!
They key, of course, is to plan ahead. Even just a few bites of a food rich in fiber ~ like vegetables or fruit ~ along with a bit of protein from, say, a couple of peanut butter crackers can stop those mid-morning or mid-afternoon cravings and keep everyone in stride with eating healthier!
But keeping young children fed and nourished is probably a lot more complicated and costly than it needs to be. I've noticed when I make a sandwich for my young granddaughters (ages three and six) that a half sandwich is plenty if I add a sliced apple and some baby carrots. Of course, usually just an hour or two later they're asking for something else, so I make it a practice to keep a sliced apple available on the counter, and popcicles in the fridge (made from unsweetened fruit juice).
Another option is to put some fresh fruit in a blender with some yogurt, milk and honey ~ along with a few ice cubes ~ to make a smoothie.
What I figured out is that grazing works better for kids ~ and for all of us, really.
Traveling around town is the car is a critical time when the food decisions often aren't the best. A couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches wrapped and placed in an insulated lunch bag, and some small cartons of raisins can make a big difference in time, money and nutrition, when the other choice would be to pull into a drive through window at a fast food shop!
They key, of course, is to plan ahead. Even just a few bites of a food rich in fiber ~ like vegetables or fruit ~ along with a bit of protein from, say, a couple of peanut butter crackers can stop those mid-morning or mid-afternoon cravings and keep everyone in stride with eating healthier!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Creating Space for Mindfulness
So often eating is merely a placeholder ~ something we do when there's nothing else. It fills in the blanks when we're bored and looking for something to do. It can be something we do when we watch TV or read a book.
It can be a pacifier when we're nervous or upset. We're usually very quick to respond with food, but it doesn't necessarily mean that we're hungry. But when that happens, we have, in effect, eliminated a chance to take a closer look at why we do what we do.
Just as yoga poses or a long walk create the space to look at things differently, the same thing can happen in our relationship with food.
Sometimes it's just a matter of stopping long enough to ask if food is what we're really hungry for. Maybe we've used our eating patterns to mask other issues that need to be addressed in order to live the life we really want to live?
Over the past week, I've noticed that by just eating more raw vegetables, fruits and almonds, I've created more space to be reflective rather than compulsive as I go about my day. Maybe it translates into nothing more than to pause before I would otherwise eat foods with sugar, fat or salt ~ just long enough to consider if I was really hungry or just using food as a placeholder.
It can be a pacifier when we're nervous or upset. We're usually very quick to respond with food, but it doesn't necessarily mean that we're hungry. But when that happens, we have, in effect, eliminated a chance to take a closer look at why we do what we do.
Just as yoga poses or a long walk create the space to look at things differently, the same thing can happen in our relationship with food.
Sometimes it's just a matter of stopping long enough to ask if food is what we're really hungry for. Maybe we've used our eating patterns to mask other issues that need to be addressed in order to live the life we really want to live?
Over the past week, I've noticed that by just eating more raw vegetables, fruits and almonds, I've created more space to be reflective rather than compulsive as I go about my day. Maybe it translates into nothing more than to pause before I would otherwise eat foods with sugar, fat or salt ~ just long enough to consider if I was really hungry or just using food as a placeholder.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Dining Together ~ The Missing Link
It's been a dying tradition ~ dining together.
How many people use a dining room? Countertops and bar stools have become the hallmark of convenience ~ or fitting in meals on a busy ~ or not so busy ~ schedule.
And yet, I've believe that the whole chemistry of digestion changes depending on the setting ~ or the atmosphere ~ of where you eat. Makes sense. The nurturing gained from a home-cooked meal is only partly credited to the food that is served. Eating in your own home, or as a guest at someone else's, can be a healthier experience in and of itself. We all know that.
Sitting down together opens the door for human connection ~ and it's as basic a human need as food.
That's why we can confuse hunger for food with hunger for conversation, friendship, intimacy and love. That's why we eat even if we're not physically hungry ~ because some of those very important, soul nurturing pieces are missing.
It's not as if we're trying to fill an empty pit ~ the emptiness we feel is real, and so is the hunger. The key is to distinguish whether what we're feeling is emotional or physical.
The phrase "starved for attention" can be literally that. And if that's lacking, we'll attempt to fill th void with food. We know we need something when we head to the refrigerator ~ it just may not be the correct remedy.
And so sitting down to a meal with people you care about, and who care about you, feeds both body and soul.
That's how I would interpret that well-known biblical reference: "Man does not live by bread alone."
How many people use a dining room? Countertops and bar stools have become the hallmark of convenience ~ or fitting in meals on a busy ~ or not so busy ~ schedule.
And yet, I've believe that the whole chemistry of digestion changes depending on the setting ~ or the atmosphere ~ of where you eat. Makes sense. The nurturing gained from a home-cooked meal is only partly credited to the food that is served. Eating in your own home, or as a guest at someone else's, can be a healthier experience in and of itself. We all know that.
Sitting down together opens the door for human connection ~ and it's as basic a human need as food.
That's why we can confuse hunger for food with hunger for conversation, friendship, intimacy and love. That's why we eat even if we're not physically hungry ~ because some of those very important, soul nurturing pieces are missing.
It's not as if we're trying to fill an empty pit ~ the emptiness we feel is real, and so is the hunger. The key is to distinguish whether what we're feeling is emotional or physical.
The phrase "starved for attention" can be literally that. And if that's lacking, we'll attempt to fill th void with food. We know we need something when we head to the refrigerator ~ it just may not be the correct remedy.
And so sitting down to a meal with people you care about, and who care about you, feeds both body and soul.
That's how I would interpret that well-known biblical reference: "Man does not live by bread alone."
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Thoughts Before and After Pizza...
We can fool ourselves so easily when it comes to food.
That was my thought this afternoon when I stopped at Boston's Restaurant for lunch. I was hungry, and so I ordered a personal-sized pizza. I chose a spinach and artichoke pizza with sun dried tomatoes, on a crust made with whole wheat flour.
I ordered the same beverage I usually have with a meal ~ water with lemon. No sides, no appetizers, no dessert.
When I left, I'd had plenty to eat, but I decided I didn't feel particularly energetic. What would have made me feel more energized?
I had removed some of the cheese from the top because I don't eat cheese that often. There was spinach, but just a few sprigs, and artichokes, but just a few pieces. It was mostly crust.
And that was the key.
The first few pieces were delicious. And that's where I should have stopped, because what I needed was more fresh produce in the blend ~ like a few slices of avocado over a small bed of lettuce, and some apple slices!
But Boston's is a sports bar, so the strategy would have been to order a small side salad, and bring most of the pizza back in a box for later ~ as part of Monday and Tuesday lunch!
That's where planning pays off. The day before I had picked up five or six apples at the grocery store and put them in the refrigerator.
Just eating one of those before my trip for pizza would have made all the difference!
That was my thought this afternoon when I stopped at Boston's Restaurant for lunch. I was hungry, and so I ordered a personal-sized pizza. I chose a spinach and artichoke pizza with sun dried tomatoes, on a crust made with whole wheat flour.
I ordered the same beverage I usually have with a meal ~ water with lemon. No sides, no appetizers, no dessert.
When I left, I'd had plenty to eat, but I decided I didn't feel particularly energetic. What would have made me feel more energized?
I had removed some of the cheese from the top because I don't eat cheese that often. There was spinach, but just a few sprigs, and artichokes, but just a few pieces. It was mostly crust.
And that was the key.
The first few pieces were delicious. And that's where I should have stopped, because what I needed was more fresh produce in the blend ~ like a few slices of avocado over a small bed of lettuce, and some apple slices!
But Boston's is a sports bar, so the strategy would have been to order a small side salad, and bring most of the pizza back in a box for later ~ as part of Monday and Tuesday lunch!
That's where planning pays off. The day before I had picked up five or six apples at the grocery store and put them in the refrigerator.
Just eating one of those before my trip for pizza would have made all the difference!
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